Cooperation
by Joana Deeks Blye
Summary: After Kensi's rescue, a one-shot about how she was able to leave Afghanistan.


"If there is any way, I'll keep in touch."

Jack was gently holding my face in his hands. He had no idea how much I have missed his touch and his smell… but it didn't feel the same. After nine years, he really had changed and I blamed the fact that he no longer loved me, neither did I.

He then called the girl he was taking home, for it was time to go home, wherever that was. I felt petrified and my mind was racing through all the memories I had made during this experience. My eyes couldn't seem to leave Jack, even though I knew Deeks was right there, trying to wake me up.

Deeks said something about Sabatino and I just mumbled something just so he knew I wasn't completely ignoring him.

"I'm really glad you're alive." He told me.

My head turned to him and I felt both happy and sad at the very same time and I was looking at him and he was right here. I was alive, but I had almost died.

I allowed myself to take pleasure on one of the best things in the world. I closed my eyes and felt the scent of his clothes as I let him hold me in his arms. I put my arms around him and, in a long time, I felt safe, but hurt and broken. After finding Jack, I had met closure to one of the most painful things I have ever been through.

Callen and Sam approached us and we broke apart. I felt incredibly thankful for what they had done, so I thought it would be nice of me to let them know so.

"Thank you, guys, for what you did."

They told us we were going home soon and, again, I felt grateful to have them as my team mates, my friends. Callen and Sam left, leaving me and Deeks alone, but I could not look at him, I was still too hooked on Jack.

As I looked at him, it all came back to me. All the pain I felt, both physical and psychological, and I just wanted it to stop. I felt sorry for myself, for no one should go through what I did and all I could think of was how it never stopped. This pain, this desperation felt like it would never go away, even though it was all over now.

I was feeling so many things, but I was able to sum them up in one tiny sentence.

"It was really bad."

And then I broke down to tears. My mind, but mostly, my heart was filled with pain and anger, because I didn't deserve to go through what I did. Deeks took me in his arms as I wet his shoulder with my tears.

"Shh, no. Come here, come here." He told me, holding my empty and almost lifeless body, "It's okay."

I felt so angry that my body was empty. I was not myself. I was Kensi Blye. Stone-Cold-Fox Blye. And, yet, I was sobbing in a man's arms, I had turned weak and I was now angry at myself for not being able to keep my shit together.

My cry was loud and, even if I tried to stop it, it didn't. Deeks was fondling my back and placed a hand in my head, as if his body was a shield to my own memories and feelings.

"We're going home." He said, with his soft and caring voice trying to calm me down, "We're going home."

But what was home? I was feeling safe in his arms, but I didn't think that I could ever feel at home again.

His hand was touching my head and I felt his lips touching it for a few seconds and then I stopped crying. My breath became slower and I suddenly felt incredibly tired. My arms let go of Deeks' torso and he placed his hands on my shoulders and looked straight into my eyes. I could swear that his look was so deep and so true that he was looking into my soul, reading my mind.

"Hey, look at me." He said.

I slowly lifted my head and he raised his hands to dry my tears. I found him staring at me with one hand on my shoulder and the other one touching my wet cheek.

"It's okay. I'm going to keep you safe."

We headed to our jet, where Sam and Callen had already taken their seats. I was no longer crying, but I did not smile, nor speak. Deeks, who was walking behind me, placed his right hand on my back and led me to my seat, as Callen read something on his phone and Sam looked at me. I could sense he was willing to help me with whatever I needed, because he knew perfectly what I was going through.

"Do you want to sit alone?" Deeks asked.

On one side, I desperately did. But, on another side, I knew that being alone would make me start thinking, which would not be good for me.

"No." I looked him in the eye.

"Okay."

He sat down and so did I, next to him. It did not take a long time until we took off, heading back to Los Angeles. I leaned back in my chair and waited in silence until I spoke or even moved.

Fifteen minutes later, both Callen and Sam were asleep, but Deeks never dared to close his eyes and leave me on my own. I felt neither sad nor angry anymore… I didn't feel anything at all.

Deeks held up his hand and placed it on top of mine. I didn't like it, it felt bad being touched and I wanted him to stop, so I removed my hand and looked down, not having the courage to face him.

"I'm sorry." I said.

He nodded.

"It's okay. It takes a while."

The tears came back to my eyes again, but I threw my hands on my face to stop them from coming and, surprisingly, it worked. I, slowly, opened my eyes again and found Deeks looking at me, as usual. I felt sorry for him, because he really was trying to help me and, after all, he saved me so I owed it to him not to be a bitch.

"I'm so sorry." I said, "I can't cope. The things they did to my body… and Jack, Jack was there. I just…"

That was when I started crying again. I leaned over to his side, quietly asking him to hold me and calm me down. I tried to keep silent, because the last thing I wanted was to wake Callen and Sam up. My cry lasted for a few minutes and Deeks never quit caressing my head.

I wasn't ready for him to touch me, I was too broken. My head never left Afghanistan and all I could think of were those things they had done to me. All the pain they put me through seemed endless.

But I fell asleep with the smell of Deeks' clothes invading my nose and, even if it didn't seem to be working, I did my best to just forget.


End file.
